new books for a new year

I love to read, and have devoured books since I was a kid, but since starting law school, I really don't read "for fun" as much as I used to. After reading hundreds of dense pages every day for school, my eyes and my brain just can't take it and I end up spending more time watching TV than anything else when it is finally time to relax.

To remedy this situation while I'm on my holiday break from classes, I ordered books written by two of my favorite bloggers: Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project and Erin Rooney Doland from Unclutterer. I was going to buy them at our local Barnes & Noble a few days ago but they were too expensive (hardcover) so I ordered from Amazon instead - and they arrived in less than 24 hours! Both books deal with improving your life and are so appropriate for New Years Eve. I am saving The Happiness Project book for my "care package" for when I start my injections, in the hopes that having something happy to focus on will help me stay positive during everything.

I also watched the movie Julie & Julia yesterday, which is also about a blog (and also about food - I SO wanted to eat after watching it). For a long time, I have considered starting a more "fun" blog that I can share with my friends and family. Maybe this is all a sign that it is finally time to start?

Happy New Year!

how many medical personnel does it take...

Today we had our big orientation appointment at our clinic. We started by meeting with a nurse who went through what medications I'll be on, our calendar, and how to give myself the injections. Then we met with someone in the business office. Then we met with someone from the lab about donating our "unused genetic material." Then we met with some young doctor to review some other forms. Then another older doctor came in to go over the same forms. Then another younger doctor also shook our hand but I don't know why she was there. We had not met any of these people once during any previous visits so if nothing else I feel like there is a team of 20 people working on our "case."

One interesting thing we realized today was that even though we'd never met any of these people before, they all seemed to be on top of our details - they knew what our preferences were, when we'd be starting, etc. I asked how many PGD cases they typically do and apparently they only do about 10 per year. Maybe that is why we are more memorable?

My other theory is that we had an (apparently) unusual request regarding what sex embryo should be transferred in the event that we get two spectacular blasts. Basically, if we have two equally strong blasts - one male and one female, both without the MD gene - then we want the female transferred just in case the genetic test is wrong. That way in the 1% chance the test is wrong, we end up with a carrier and not a boy with MD. Didn't seem crazy to me but we learned today that it required approval from the ethical board at the clinic/hospital. Maybe that is why they remember us?

Although today was stressful, I am excited to get this show on the road. I'm currently on BCP and I'm guessing it will seem like no time at all before I'm injecting myself. Which, btw, I'm a little apprehensive about but I'm sure I'll get over. They're all sub-q except for the one-time hcg shot so hopefully it won't be too bad. And they even let my needle-phobic hubby off the hook! They told us if he's really stressed about giving me the shot, there is no problem with having my brother-in-law the doctor do it (or a nurse, or whatever).

I am now watching some hockey and trying to relax. I got tickets for Christmas for a game in mid-February - which happens to fall during what will likely be the dreaded two-week-wait following our (hopefully!) successful transfer. Fingers-crossed that we'll make it that far.

little white lie

My husband's cousin is getting married in January. Getting there would involve one four hour flight plus another flight on a small plane (or a five hour drive through mountains). I don't know exactly where we will be in our cycle by then but no matter what, I don't want to go through the stress of the traveling and putting up with 100 in-laws.....not to mention the $1000+ it would probably cost us to fly there and get a hotel.

Hubby has agreed it would be best for us to skip the wedding, even though the entire rest of his family will be there. I feel bad but not bad enough to want to deal with it. The extended family doesn't know about our IVF plans and neither of us want them to know either (they're an especially nosy and non-PC bunch). So now we need a lie. Preferably one that doesn't cause them to ask more questions. And I'm afraid if we blame money then everyone else will be like "geez, we found a way to get to the wedding." Wish I had some good ideas but I don't.

On a more positive note, I finally made it to yoga class again. It's been six months since I went to the gym (I quit during the summer when we were outside a lot but that quickly regressed into walking the dogs once a day when fall came around). It felt really good to go back, although some of my muscles are not too happy with me right now!

choosing optimism

After a phone call this morning with my clinic, it now looks like things will be pushed back a few weeks since I have not been on my BCP long enough. At first, just finding out we may have to wait two more weeks really got me upset. But then I realized that two weeks is nothing, even if it isn't the most ideal timing with other school and family commitments.

I am naturally a pretty pessimistic, sarcastic person so trying to choose the positive over the negative has been a bit hard. This morning though, I kept reminding myself how important it is that I don't get stressed out, cuddled with one of my dogs, and decided I'd rather have a baby in October anyhow. Hopefully as long as I keep my dogs around, I can continue to choose the high road (guessing they don't let rambunctious pseudo-puppies into the clinic, although they would *love* it). :)

ready to roll

We got the all-clear at our appointment today - woo hoo! Crazy how several weeks and several thousand dollars of tests can be summed up in about 30 seconds. We are really excited and made our "orientation appointment" at their next nearest opening, at the end of the month. Our doctor thinks we should be looking at a mid-to-late January transfer. Definitely good news and it keeps getting more real every day.

To celebrate, I decided that I was not even going to try to accomplish any studying for finals today. Who cares when you get the go-ahead to make a baby, right? ;) We went out for dinner at our favorite local place, did some online Christmas shopping, and made some cookies for the hubby (okay, I ate one too).

postponed - damn you blizzard!

We had to postpone our appointment today due to the fricking blizzard warning surrounding our clinic. I'm pretty disappointed that we won't hear all of our results until (hopefully) Thursday but all in all I'm glad we didn't risk our lives on the highway. It would be pretty hard to make a baby if we froze in the ditch somewhere.

Still in the middle of finals - can't wait to be done with this semester. I did, however, manage to wear sweatpants all day today, with the exception of the 20 minutes I wore jeans to take the dogs for a quick walk. I heard "Alone" by Heart on the radio today and now feel that I MUST get a karaoke fix sometime soon (especially if I won't be able to have a drink come January).

crazy

As a general rule, law school finals suck. They are not like undergrad finals at all, not even close. Historically, I have hated them as much as everyone else, especially the fall exams because they mess up Thanksgiving AND Christmas.

But today I realized there are some good things about finals: Wearing sweatpants all day, having an excuse for ignoring other obligations, making your own schedule, great reason to go get a massage, and great excuse for forgetting things. And this year, the best part about finals is that it is doing a great job of getting my mind off of a lot of the IVF-related stress. I simply don't have time to obsess over it - I have intestacy statutes and UCC code provisions to memorize! :) Maybe doing this during law school wasn't such a bad idea after all.

first sono-histo - yay?

I can honestly say that I was not at all prepared for how uncomfortable that ordeal was - and in some ways, the psychological/emotional discomfort was actually worse than the physical part.

an important part of this whole process that I was able to downplay until right now is that I have vulvodynia. Let's just say speculums are not my friend - downright painful. And when I say painful, I mean PAINFUL. Scorching, sharp pain. So back to today...

I didn't know they were doing a sono-histo today, and if I had, I would not have known what that meant. I've had two previous simple ultrasounds to count follicles so I (stupidly) assumed today would be more of the same. Slightly uncomfortable but totally do-able. So when the nurse explained that this would be a multi-step process, boy was I excited!

Anyhow, we won't get the full report until we go back next week but I'm going to assume everything looked fine since I didn't notice any weirdness on the part of the tech or the doctors. The tech didn't know initially that we were doing this for PGD purposes so was confused when everything looked "normal." I'm going to take it as a good sign that I naturally produced enough follies that she asked if I was on Clomid (we haven't started any drugs yet). I also assume if anything was majorly wrong they would tell me?

I really felt intensely today a kind of out-of-body sensation as three people poked and prodded at my insides. Like my body wasn't mine anymore, like a line was crossed today. "You thought your internal organs were private, huh? That you controlled them?" "Ha!" On the lighter side, The Husband (who sat with me through all the fun today) claims he kept thinking of "Turning Japanese" while he was sitting there. What a dork.

I, on the other hand, just kept telling myself "my child will not need a wheelchair." It really does help when I keep the big picture in mind.