the (two week old) news

So....I haven't posted in forever. I think I have a good excuse though because our baby was born two weeks and one day ago. :) I (1) haven't had a lot of time to mess around on the computer and (2) started a family-only blog (no offense) and have been trying to put most of my energy into that.

The labor was relatively long, I needed an epidural, was able to avoid a c-section, and managed to have an 8 lb 6 oz baby. I find this amusing given how many people told me that I "looked small." Take that! My baby was in the 90th percentile for weight! Oh and yes, he is perfect. The first week I would just look at him and cry because I couldn't believe we made something so perfect. I don't cry as much now but it is still ridiculously amazing.

We struggled with breastfeeding the first several days but now are on track. At his check-up yesterday, he was already up to 8 lbs 12 oz so clearly he is getting enough to eat. We are of course exhausted but I am so very thankful my husband saved up his vacation time to spend the first couple weeks at home.

Oh and I really want to share his name but can't decide whether to do so or not. It is really unique and I still need to keep this blog relatively anonymous for career purposes. If you really want to know, you can send me an email at 20emerald09 at gmail .com. :)

Okay, so you probably only really care about photos. My brother took most of these - he is not a professional but takes photography pretty seriously so we ended up with some beautiful shots.

It is now October (yikes)

We hit 36 weeks yesterday. As if that isn't enough to send a person into pre-baby panic, I had the most B-H contractions I've ever had last night. They stopped when I drank a gallon of water and laid down but let's be honest, there is very little you can accomplish while lying on your side on the couch. I basically have a contraction every time I get up off the couch or try to do anything.

So this morning I had a doctor's appointment and I asked about the contractions. My doctor told me that if labor started now, that would be fine. I will say that again, "if labor starts now, that's fine" (!). While I am completely sick of being pregnant, I don't think I'm ready for the baby to be here.

Me: "At what point can I just ignore the contractions and just keep doing whatever it is that is I'm doing? Like, when can I go for a mile long walk and just let things go?"
Doctor: "Um, now is fine."
Me: (eyes wide, long silence) "ummm......so....the baby is big enough and strong enough??"
Doctor: "Yes. Technically you aren't full term until next week, so if you want to take it really easy for another week, you can do that. But if you'd rather not, that's fine too."

So yeah, thank god DH took the day off today because Baby Panic 2010 has hit level magenta. Nursery isn't done, our bedroom is still a mess since the crib replaced our largest dresser, hospital bag isn't totally packed, etc. etc. etc. Eep!

calm before the storm?

For whatever reason, starting this weekend I have felt really calm about everything that is about to happen. I don't know if this is normal but I really feel at peace with however the birth ends up going (although I *really* want to avoid a c-section). It's really strange because I was pretty much freaking out just a week ago. Maybe it's because I am now so uncomfortable all the time that I can't wait for the little guy to get here so I can stop carrying around 35+ extra pounds.

[side note - I cannot even imagine what it would be like to have twins and gain even more than this. Although my mom gained 60 pounds with just me!! I asked her this weekend how on earth she gained that much and she just said "oh, I just ate whatever I wanted," to which I responded "was all you wanted to eat fast food?!?" Because I eat all the time and generally eat what I want, but a lot of times that's fruit and cereal. So anyhow, my mom just shrugged and tried to blame my dad for buying her a case of Butterfingers that she asked for. Apparently she ate one entire candy bar every day near the end. Wow.]

Anyhow, I'm hoping this good feeling sticks around. I think part of it might also be because my husband was awesome this weekend and did a LOT more housework than he usually does, without me even asking him to. I mean, we made a list of chores we wanted to get done this week but I thought I'd still be stuck reminding/nagging him. It was awesome that I didn't have to. He cleaned the bathroom for the first time in at least a year! Ha. I think with him helping out more (and not complaining about it) made me more confident that we will be able to handle everything when baby gets here.

Other good things: My NP told me this week that "babies born at this age still do great" (almost 35 weeks now) which of course is a huge relief. Also, she was the one who previously was concerned with my weight. She didn't mention anything this time, except when she started the exam she said "wow, you're all baby!" - guessing this means I'm off the hook for the weight gain and also make me feel better about the constant "geez, you're not that big" comments.

Halloween

Target has officially changed over from "back to school" to Halloween. The due date is BEFORE Halloween. eep.

33 week panic

As of yesterday, we are 33 weeks along. That is insane! It's funny because earlier on in the pregnancy, you have that due date set in your head and you think you have all the time in the world. Even a month ago, I was like "whatever, I have until practically November to get things organized." Um, no. Now that it is SEPTEMBER FREAKIN' 10TH, the reality of being prepared has hit me full force. The general advice is that you should actually be 90+% ready by 36, 37 weeks, since it wouldn't be out of the question for the baby to come at any time by then. That means....yeah, I don't have until "practically November," I have three weeks! Yikes.

What makes this even harder is the ridiculously slow pace at which it physically takes me to do anything, plus the fact that I have been, on average this week, sleeping 10.5 hours per day. Believe me, you will get a LOT less done every day if your day doesn't start until basically lunch time and you move like a very large, slow turtle.

As I have been reading quite a few WTF blog entries lately, I feel the need to contribute with my own: So apparently according to the rest of the world, I "don't look that pregnant." What they mean is, 'based on my extremely limited knowledge of you and pregnancy, I judge that you are physically not as large as I expect a 33 week pregnant woman to look." Ugh. My MIL actually had the gall to tell me the other day that I am the "daintiest pregnant woman she's ever been around." WTF??! Dainty?? Do you not see me struggling to tie my shoes? When buying some baby supplies last night, there was something we needed that was on back order. The sales woman eyed me up, without asking when I was due, and said, "well, you have plenty of time to wait for it to come in." SO annoyed. I chalk this up to several things: (1) Women who were formerly pregnant remember being larger than they actually were, (2) nobody actually paid attention to how small I was to begin with, and (3) people are stupid.

The ironic part of this whole thing is that my nurse practitioner says I have gained too much weight. Yup. I am so dainty that I have already gained about 35 pounds (which for the uninitiated, is the top amount you are "supposed" to gain by the end in a singleton pregnancy). [On a side note, I felt bad about "gaining too much" for about two days and then realized I don't give a crap. I eat healthier than I did pre-pregnancy, I exercise within reason for 33 weeks (no one-hour cardio sessions, sorry), and I'm not going to ignore my body when it's telling me I'm hungry. My mom gained 60 pounds with me and lost all of it so whatever.]

baby showers!

Since I normally only complain, I thought I should post about something else for once. :)

The first shower was two weeks ago. It was hosted by my aunt and held at my parents' house, which is several hours away from our house but is much closer to a lot of my family, high school friends, and many family friends who have known me since I was a baby. One of my oldest friends (we were BFFs in 1st grade) even made the trip. It was really nice and not nearly as awkward as I had feared - and we got a ton of stuff!



Unfortunately the only photo I took was of all this "loot" on my iphone so I apologize there are no super-cute and exciting photos like most people remember to take. Oops. We didn't have any super-fancy food but my grandma did make some excellent brownies that included broken up pieces of toffee Symphony bars.

Baby showers are kind of weird because the point is mostly to get stuff, and unlike bridal showers, most of the people at the shower will not really be included in the "main event." Unlike our wedding though, we *really* needed all of the stuff and *really* needed the help financially. Me not earning any money whatsoever this year has made things a little tight, which makes me even more thankful for all of the generous family and friends we have. Which reminds me - not included in the photo are the biggest gifts, from my mom and MIL. My parents got us a crib and are also helping us pay for cloth diapers, and my in-laws bought us a stroller and car seat. HUGE relief to at least have those things!

I also have to point out, way off in the left of the photo, is the beautiful quilt my grandma made for us. It is gorgeous, and in purple & gold (Vikings colors). She must have spent a ton of time working on it and it is so cool to think that our son will have something special like that.

I know this is getting pretty long, and DH is asking me when I'll be ready to run to Target, so I'll try to wrap this up.

Shower #2 was ridiculously, fantastically perfect. :) My sister-in-law, who is also one of my best friends, hosted and she went above and beyond. The decorations, the food, the special order chocolate with peanut butter frosting cupcakes, the games - I couldn't have asked for anything better. This shower was also mostly for "all the young folks" - basically all of my law school friends. I was shocked that so many people came! And none of my friends have kids yet so they were all excited to have an excuse to buy baby stuff. It was very odd to be the one answering questions about pregnancy and babies, instead of being given unsolicited advice from 1980.

Back to today's task: Washing all of the baby clothes we received over the past two weeks. I swear to god those little plastic tag thingies are driving me insane...

useless

I've used the word "useless" more in the last few weeks than the rest of my life put together. Unfortunately, it sums up how I've been feeling about myself the past few weeks. To top it all off today, I had ONE thing that I had to do today and 100% failed. Seriously, the ONLY thing I had to do today was go see my therapist. I knew this when I got up this morning. I even had my calendar open for several hours around lunchtime. Yet I somehow completely managed to forget about it by the time the actual appointment rolled around, and then got a call from my therapist about 10 minutes after my session was supposed to start. I feel really bad about it - it costs my therapist money and it bugs me even more because it just isn't "me" to flake out and miss appointments. Hell, I am the person who gets there 15 minutes early "just in case" (in case of what, I'm not even sure). I just hate this feeling of being so undefined and out of control.

Besides today's screw-up, it's getting harder and harder to do chores. And since I am unemployed and am only a student 10% of the time, that's really all I do. I've been getting Braxton-Hicks contractions whenever I lift anything bigger than a gallon of milk, which actually limits a relatively large amount of housework. We also really need to polyurethane the new doors we installed and paint the trim for the hallway, but of course I shouldn't do those things because of the fumes (and of course DH is dragging his feet on those things, but then I feel like an unappreciative nag whenever I mention them to him since he is the one working and I'm the one sitting on my ass all day). Why do the pregnancy books fail to talk about this? It can't really be that abnormal. Although I guess I shouldn't trust the books because all of those authors seem to think women are obsessed with the whole weight gain aspect, and I couldn't care less about that.

It's weird too because I am sure there are plenty of women in the third trimester who dream of having no job, but I just really suck at handling this. My therapist pointed out last time that I've never had this much downtime in my entire adult life, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. She probably didn't know that encouraging me to embrace an easygoing lifestyle for a few months was going to cause me to miss my damn appointment. lol.

I feel bad that I pretty much only blog when I'm feeling down about something, but honestly when things are going well, I don't feel the need to write it down. I've had two wonderful baby showers in the past 10 days and I *promise* I will write about them soon (although, again, unfortunately I failed to take even one photo at the nicest one so there will not be any visual evidence).