I'm 11w4d today - that magic day when I hit 12 weeks is Thursday. I am really excited about reaching this milestone but also starting to get nervous again. There is part of me that is just waiting for someone to jump out and say "just kidding! you thought you'd be so lucky that this would work the first time??!? muahahahaha!" The rational part of my brain knows this is stupid. Every ultrasound has been great, at the last one at 10 weeks the little one was healthy and growing along perfectly - even moving around like crazy.
Despite all this, I can't shake this vague sense that something could be wrong and I wouldn't even know right away. I think part of the problem is that I don't know how to handle good things happening to me. I've had so many awful things happen to me in my lifetime that it's much more comfortable to deal with crisis than it is to be content with life.
To help allay my fears and hopefully allow myself to truly be excited about this, I made a technically unnecessary appointment for Friday with my doctor just to hear the heartbeat. We didn't actually get to hear it last time since it was still pretty early and I think if I hear the heartbeat once we've hit the 12 week mark, I'll feel like we're out of the woods. I thought for sure my doctor would need some reason for an extraneous appointment but apparently I didn't even need to ask - I just needed to make the appt. Thank god there have been many neurotic pregnant women before me!
In the "yes, we have progress" department - I bought my first maternity clothing this weekend. I've been wearing the same pair of low-rise jeans for the past several weeks and decided it was time. I think I actually have a bump now! It's small but it's definitely a different shape than the glorified roll of chubbiness I've been sporting for the past month. :)
No reason to worry about the heartbeat appt on Friday but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed just in case.
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