twilight zone

Everything seems to be going well with our growing baby - 16 weeks! Two more weeks until our next appointment, and another week after that for another ultrasound. I also bought my first new bra today and it is awesome. I jumped from a 32D to a 36C - what the hell?? I didn't even realize how uncomfortable my old bras were until I tried on the new one. Guess maybe I should have started looking into this sooner but all this maternity gear is adding up fa$t.

Unfortunately, though the last 24 hours have been a complete roller coaster. The good news is that a good friend of ours is in the process of having her baby right now. She is only one day past her due date but I guess her doctors said the baby is getting too big and needs to come out soon. I am so happy for them and can't wait to meet their little one.

The bad news, and it is really bad news, is that my cousin found out yesterday that her baby had died. She was 17.5 weeks along and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They think the baby stopped growing around week 14. To make things even worse, she is too far along for an "easy" d&c and also had to be induced to actually go through delivery. They said it could take 15-22 hours since her body is not ready to deliver yet. I honestly can't think of any greater torture right now. We are all hoping that it won't take that long, since she has successfully delivered two other kids. I am so heartbroken for her and just very sad. Just last week we were talking about how our babies could potentially be born on the same day. I have other friends who have miscarried but not this far along. It is just awful and I don't think there is much we can do to help her right now.

On top of feeling horrible for my cousin and her husband, this of course has reawakened by own paranoia. The rational part of me knows that the odds of these things happening are very low, but it still freaks me out. I just keep telling myself that I wouldn't be getting bigger and continue to have so many symptoms if our little guy wasn't growing like he is supposed to. I keep begging him to kick me really hard so that I'll finally feel him for the first time. I kind of want to make a fetal heartbeat appointment for tomorrow but it seems silly since I wasn't worried at all yesterday morning. What a day.