balance

Recently I have had a hard time finding balance dealing with this whole situation. I feel like I veer from one extreme to the other, either I am obsessing about IVF and pregnancy or I am completely pushing it aside, almost in denial about the whole thing.

My goal is to find balance. Of course this is an important part of my life, but I don't want it to BE my life. It seems like so many women, and so many couples, end up being defined by IVF/infertility/disease. I don't want that. But some days it is just so hard!

A big piece of this balancing puzzle is deciding who to tell and who to keep in the dark. So far the only people who know about our plans are our immediate family - parents and siblings, and a handful of friends from school. In a way, it is easier to talk about with my non-family members because there is less emotion involved. Some days I want to just let everyone know, to be straight with my friends, because it isn't something I'm ashamed of. But then I wonder if that will only make it harder. What if it doesn't work the first time? or ever? What if everyone thinks of me as That Girl Who is Doing IVF? or what if I just *think* that's what they're thinking about me?

The truth is, if I am going to get through next semester's classes, I need to tell a few more people. Because I'm going to need them.