thankful but...

After reading someone else's blog this morning, I realized again how tricky the transition from "IVF blog" to "pregnancy blog" can be. I feel bad because I know most of the people who read this found me through the infertility community, but at the same time, blogging was such a good way to deal with stress during IVF that it seems silly to hang it up now. I think I also feel guilty because I was lucky enough that I did not have to endure the full-scale infertility journey that so many women have had to go through. PGD seems to hold this odd place in the blogosphere (if it even has any actual place - thus far I've only found two other bloggers whose primary "issue" (?) is PGD-related).

So anyhow, I am almost 26 weeks along now and completely thankful for the little guy growing in my uterus. And even more thankful that I feel him kicking and moving around consistently throughout the day (like right now). I wanted to type that first because above all else, I do need to keep my focus on what is really important - that we are well on our way to having the healthy baby we've desperately wanted.

That being said...I am majorly stressing out about the timing of it all. I know, I know, there is no magical non-stressful time to have a baby. But I've now put myself into a position where I feel like I must take the bar exam while trying to appropriately mother and care for a 4-month old. There are just so many unknowns and it is kind of impossible to make a truly informed decision at this point. I have no idea how long he will be sleeping at night by that point. Or how hard breastfeeding/pumping will be. Or how difficult it will be to begin the bar review courses when he is somewhere around 6-7 weeks old. Ugh.

I've considered putting off taking the bar until July (they only offer it twice a year), but that means putting the rest of our life plans on hold - it would significantly slow down our plans to move, and extremely limit my job prospects (unfortunately, DH just can't make enough to comfortably support three of us forever). Plus I'm afraid I would forget a lot of information, especially considering that I am already pretty much done with law school. I have one 3-credit class this fall. That's it. And I honestly don't care what grade I get.

Really not sure what the best thing to do is (I've already come to terms that there is no "good" option, just one that would be better than the other). Sadly, googling "bar exam newborn" brought up very little. Damn you internets!